I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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