I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
