someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
