just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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