Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
