You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
