I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
