Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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