Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was like eating out sand paper
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
