You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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