dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
