So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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