I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
