You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
