My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
