god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
