i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
