Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
