Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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