She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
