the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
