How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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