He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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