I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
