why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
