i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize