grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
