drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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