OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
