I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need a beard to bite.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
