it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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