I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
