it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize