He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
