Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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