I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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