literally had 100 drinks last night.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
