Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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