omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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