can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize