getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
