so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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