Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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