She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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