I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
