I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
