just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
