omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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