this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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