apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
