I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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