I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
