I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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