Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
