guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
