Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
