Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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