Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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