Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
