If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
