Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i think we sleep fucked last night...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
