I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
