I am puke
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
