I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
