There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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