she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
