I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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