In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you inspire me to be a worse person
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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