Duck Duck Cougar?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
