how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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