I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
