I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
