Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
