I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
