I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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