Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dick very happy bro
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