I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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