TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
