they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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