my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will be naked everywhere
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
