It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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