Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
