so let's talk penis.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
