I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
