Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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