whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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