my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
