ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
