Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize