youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
