is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
