'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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