Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
