It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm passing your future prison.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
