dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
