We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
