my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize